I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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