I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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