So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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