well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Every concussion has its silver lining
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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