I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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