is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
