I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
