i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
