My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
