last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
