I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
