I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
