Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
