it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
