my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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