did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
