big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
