I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
