I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
