how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
