are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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