Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
