I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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