you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
