my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
