Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
