I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
