New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
