yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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