3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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