there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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