He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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