apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
