He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
