Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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