it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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