Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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