Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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