I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
