just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
FUCK WHALES
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
