What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
