At least make sure they are 18
Why
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
