We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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