Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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