Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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