The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
