someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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