Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
