When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
