I'm passing your future prison.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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