this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
