I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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