i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
