I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
