she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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