I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
