just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
