I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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